| College is over.
I am very sad.
It's really scary not knowing what my future holds. I definitely dreamed throughout my later years of college to make a difference in this world and had fantasies and dreams about what that would look like. Now that college is no longer a part of my life and I am headed for the "real world", those fantasies and dreams seem to be so far-fetched. All idealism is crashing down and the reality of today and tomorrow is really overwhelming . The reality of having to provide for myself and my family brings about fear in me more than anything-- fear of complacency, mediocrity and most of all, fear of the loss of drive to make a difference.
I don't want to live a life that just makes ends meet. Why am I so afraid of running? Why am I so afraid of facing this new chapter of my life that might actually have a lot more good in it than I am anticipating?
I had my life drawn out... a life that I saw was dedicated to God's work, but why isn't it working out that way?
I wish I was super talented in singing or something so that I can pursue a worship ministry... one of them many dreams of mine.
Please pray for me.
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| Lord, make a difference in this world through me.
I'm going to China!
I've really forgotten what it really honestly means to call myself a Christian. I've accessorized my faith, making it more complicating than it needs to me. I've put my ambitions on ministry and not the minister, and I've depended upon revelations, not God himself, to increase my faith.
I'm scared for my future... I'm even scared of the fact that I'm posting my vulnerability online for the world to see, but I want to learn to conquer fear the right way. I want to fearlessly and doubtlessly know the wrenching reality of this world and live to make a difference... God's way. I'm sick of conforming to the status quo and settling for "good". I want to live the best life and I realize that it is most costly to attain the best. This cost, I hope, will be worth it because at the end of the road, I will have lived a life that has made a freaking difference.
I am a nobody who seeks to make a difference.
*I'd be happy to mail you my support letter if you give me your address.
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| And yet another season comes our way... another season of supposed merriness, joy and jolly. A season that has evolved to be one of giving and receiving gifts, of singing carols, of putting up and seeing the lights... and, that's about it. As the years progress, the season seems to come by faster... and every year, it just passes. After the hype of the music and the lights are gone, so is the season.
Even church. Every church on the face of the planet has a Christmas Eve service of some sort, usually taking the form of a musical concert or something, but sadly, even church seems to have lost the "reason for the season". Even the freaking awesome event of what Christ did becomes cliche once the season comes around.
This year, as you hear the typical Christmas Eve spiel, let it mean something different. Let it remind you that this reason is why we have a reason to live. Apart from the nice and fluffy feelings that the holidays bring, take on the challenge of actually letting this reason change your life.
If you need a refresher and have an hour to spare, watch this.
http://www.enewhope.org/video/index.php?video=517
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| Senioritis has taken over...
i can't wait to graduate.
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